Q. I work, have two young children and I never seem to have any energy. I seem to run around after them and my partner all the time. I have tried energy drinks and trying to get more sleep but nothing seems to work.

A. Feeling tired and worn out when you have young children is quite common and the good news is that there is a number of things that you can do to improve this.

¨      Remove the tolerations that are using up your energy

¨      Create more energy

Anything that annoys you can drain your energy from uncut grass to how the kids talk to you.  Make a list of the things that you are putting up with and start dealing with them one at a time – remembering to delegate.

Check out your diet and cut out some of the high sugar or caffeine drinks if you can. Although these give you an immediate boost they leave feeling more tired.

You can create energy easily, quickly and naturally by changing how you breathe for 5-10 minutes per day.  Take a deep breath in through the nose (inflating an imaginary balloon in your stomach) and out through the mouth, for twice as long, (inflating an imaginary balloon at the front of your mouth) whispering loudly the word “Ha” from the back of your throat on the out breath.   Doing this for 5 – 10 minutes creates about a day’s worth of energy!

If things don't improve then go along and see your GP

Remember you only have one body and it has to last you a lifetime, so good food, good drinks and exercise – even if it is running after the kids, and remember to make time for you and for you and your partner.  It sounds like a lot but if you need some confidential, independent support then give me a call on 07960 191386.

Visit www.ParentCoachScotland.com for your free 8 part e:course from Karen Marshall on how to meet your needs.

October 2008 

Q. Since my 5-year-old started school I've noticed a huge change in him, good and bad. He is much more independent and confident, but I am also having problems with his behaviour. He doesn't pay attention to what I tell him or ask him to do, and if I pull him up about it he can be really cheeky. He's a lovely boy but I feel like I'm always fighting with him. What can I do?'

A.  This is a common problem when children start school.  They start to grow up more as they have more autonomy than in nursery and there is more opportunity for them to develop their own identity outwith the family.

As children move into the school environment they are exposed to children from different areas and start to experiment with behaviour and language.  It is easy sometimes to get frustrated and annoyed at your child for not listening and being cheeky.  Try the following and see how you get on.

To get you child to listen it is important to

¨      be in the same room as him

¨      get him to stop doing what he is doing

¨      gain eye contact

¨      then talk to them. He is not ignoring you; he just thinks that what he is doing is more important

Remember and be very specific about requests that you make and when you want things to happen.

In handling the cheeky behaviour

¨      Remind him what is appropriate behaviour (clear boundaries are essential)

¨      Try and be as playful as you can

¨      Be consistent

Remember and use this time wisely to pass on your values and to do it in a way that strengthens the relationship.  This is very much an ongoing process where you need to work with your child to further develop your relationship as it changes yet again.

Set clear boundaries, stick to you guns, be flexible in your approach and as playful as possible in their application.

Visit www.ParentCoachScotland.com for your free 8 part e:course from Karen Marshall on how to meet you and your children’s unconscious needs.

September 2008

Q. My three-year-old is refusing to eat anything but beans or macaroni. We all eat at the table and have the same meals but she just pushes her plate aside and says she wants beans. We don't make a fuss and just say she'll be very hungry later. She just accepts this and goes without but we're starting to get a bit worried.

A. I appreciate you are starting to get a bit worried and there are lots of reasons why your daughter may only be eating beans or macaroni so I am going to touch on some things to consider.

Children are very good at regulating the number of calories they eat, sometimes they don’t really eat, other times they empty the cupboards, so she may not be hungry and just making an excuse not to eat. Young children sometimes fill up on drinking milk or small snacks during the day thus dulling their appetite at meal times. Try looking to see what and how much your daughter is eating and drinking over the course of a normal week and see if there are any other patterns.

Alternatively sometimes children choose what they eat as way of controlling something within their lives. Providing opportunities for her to pick an activity to do or book to read or what to wear can help to provide that feeling.

Another few things to consider is

¨      Does she get hungry later on and if so what do you do?

¨      When she doesn’t eat does she sit at the table or does she get to go and play?

If you feel that she is not eating enough then a quick visit with your Health Visitor or GP should allay any worries and ensure that there is no underlying medical reason.

Sometimes it is just a phase and will disappear as quickly as it came.

I knew a boy who only ate sausages, bread and cheese until he was about 12 when he then agreed to start trying other foods. He was perfectly healthy.

Visit www.ParentCoachScotland.com for your free 8 part e:course from Karen Marshall on how to meet you and your children’s unconscious needs.

July/August 2008

Q. My daughter is starting school in August, how can I best prepare her for this? She still cry’s from time to time when I leave at nursery and I don’t want this to happen when she starts school.

A. This is quite a common issue and I would like to start by asking you a few questions.

¨      What would happen if your daughter did start crying when she started school?

¨      What would the impact be on your daughter?

¨      What would the impact be on you?

Sometimes children can be both excited and nervous about starting school as can their parents be and we can, on occasion, compare our children to others and our reality may not match our expectations. 

A few ways of dealing with this is by:

¨      Ask her for what reason does she cry. You can then find out if she is lacking something, normally they will come up with some kind of emotion (you may need to interpret her words here).  What you can then do is to get her to imagine an infinite supply of (what she is lacking) above her head and then have it flow into her body until it fills her up and she has everything that she needs. You can make this as playful as you like, including adding in things that you know she will like.

¨      You can also use story telling to create a story that you can both become involved in. One that relates to something being left somewhere, where it will be safe and looked after with love and care, but it relates to something completely different from nursery and school. Again use subjects that you know she will be drawn to.

Try these strategies and play around with them together and then before you know it she will be off with a big smile.

The quickest and easiest way to make changes is to have someone support you. Visit www.ParenCoachScotland.com for your free 8 part e:course from Karen Marshall on how to meet you and your children’s needs.

June 2008

Q. What can I do to help my 3-year-old in social situations to make new friends? We invite friends back to play and his behaviour deteriorates even though he is desperate to play.

A. Thanks for your question and we can approach this from a few different perspectives. Firstly, some children instinctively know how to play with others, they seem to “fit in” and make friends easily whilst some need a little bit more assistance from adults.  Some children need to be given a clear structure for their play, how the games work, turn taking etc as well as be explained and shown limits for what is acceptable behaviour.  In young children it is quite easy to redirect them before a situation develops into an incident. As a result it is useful for parents of young children to be actively involved when their children are playing with others until they develop the confidence and skills themselves. ..rubbish for conversation with other parents I know, but great in the long term for the development of strong social skills in your children.  You normally only have to intervene for short periods during the play whilst your son learns the guidelines that he can play within.  He just needs to learn an effective strategy for playing with friends as he doesn’t know how yet.

Secondly, it is also worth exploring what your expectations are about your son and play. How do you expect him to behave? Are your expectations appropriate for him at the age and developmental stage that he is at (not the child next door but for him). Sometimes we can expect too much from our children and compare them to others of a similar age. All children are unique and will learn to do different things at different times. 

Good luck and let me know how you get on.

Karen Marshall runs Still or Sparkling? a Personal Development Company for Parents. You can find out more at www.stillorsparkling.co.uk or e:mail Karen@stillorsparkling.co.uk

May 2008

Q. Our 3 year old has been coming into our bed at 1am for the last year. It's not usually a problem but sometimes I wake up shattered between him and the baby waking. How do I ‘gently' encourage him to stay in his own bed without him feeling rejected as it's part of his routine now?

A. This is a common occurrence and you’ve caught onto an important point that your son sees coming into your bed as part of his routine, it’s now time to prepare him (and yourself) for his new routine.

As with starting any new routine there are a number of steps you can take to make it as seamless as possible:-

¨      Be clear about what you want and when you want it to happen

¨      Are you ready to handle it: do you have the energy, patience and persistence to see it through?

¨      Is your husband/partner ready as well?

¨      Know your strategy

¨      Tell your wee boy about the new routine

¨      Tell the neighbours if you feel that there will be lots of midnight tears.

The best way to handle it is to tell your son that it’s time to stay in his bed all night now and give him a reason you feel is appropriate. If he comes through, take him straight back to his bed and gently remind him that it’s time to stay in his own bed until morning time.  Keep doing this every time he comes through.  If you let him into your bed you are sending out mixed messages and he will become confused.  This is where patience and persistence comes in, be gentle and don’t enter into conversation or debate, it will only prolong matters.

Children like routine as it provides them with certainty and the change will feel strange at first.  It normally takes between 3 and 5 nights, so focus on what you will get at the end of it and good luck.

Karen Marshall runs a Still or Sparkling? a Personal Development Company for Parents. You can find her at www.stillorsparkling.co.uk.

Introduction

Hi and welcome to the Parenting Support Corner of Community Times.  Our aim is to provide support to all you Parents out there and to try and give you answers to questions about being a parent; whether that be about tackling a tot that won’t sleep,  a teenager that won’t get out of bed or getting some balance in your life.

Sometimes the life of a parent can be truly wonderful and other times it can be frightfully frustrating when the only person having the tantrum is you!  It’s not until you become a parent that you realise how much energy it takes, how clueless you can feel at times and when you get to the end of your tether you somehow find ways of finding more!

People say that Parenting isn’t rocket science; I would argue that rocket science isn’t parenting. You need endless supplies of patience, energy and creativity to find your way through the maze of events that being a parent brings. 

And that is what we are here to help you do. We are here to listen to you and to help provide you with some options and possible solutions to the challenges that you are facing.  Sometimes when we try and tackle situations we don’t get the result that we wanted - Great, we’ve learned what doesn’t work; now what are our other options. 

We will be parent focused as you can’t give what you don’t have – you have to put on your own oxygen mask before you help anyone else with theirs.  So get in touch by e:mailing your questions to info@ctglasgowwestend.co.uk and look out in the next issue to see if we have answered your question and keep moving towards being the Imperfectly Perfect Parent.

Karen Marshall runs Still or Sparkling? a Personal Development Company for Parents. She is a qualified Life Coach, NLP Practitioner and the mother of twin boys.